Open & Assertive Communication
Self Awareness and Regulation
In order for you to dive into conversations with others, we must get centered and clear on our intentions. This means starting to get honest and real with yourself!
The following are a few practices that help to bring your attention back to your body, breath and mind, so you can have a better understanding of inner dialogue and emotions.
Susan Scott, author of Fierce Conversations, articulates this so well.
"All conversations are with myself, and sometimes they involve other people. This is incredibly important to understand. Embracing this insight changes the way we relate to and interact with everyone in our lives. I may think I see you are you are, but in truth, I see you as I am. The implications are staggering, and not the least of them is this: The issues in my life are rarely about you. They are almost always about me."
Practices for you to try out:
- STOP - Stop what you are doing. If you have anything in your hands, put it down. Turn away from distractions (phone, computer, etc.) Feel the posture of your boy, either standing or seated. If possible, take a seat and feel the support of the chair. If possible, close the eyes or take a soft gaze down.
- TAKE CONSCIOUS BREATHS - Take a few long, slow deep breaths. Pause for a moment at the top of your inhale and slowly exhale out your mouth. With each break out, relax any areas of tension. An option of placing one hand on your abdomen and follow the rising and falling for 5 deep breaths.
- OBSERVE NATURAL BREATH, THOUGHTS, EMOTIONS, SENSATIONS - Breathe and let go of any controlling or thinking about the breath. Observe your breath for a few cycles. Start to observe your thoughts, objectively, without pushing anything away or trying to make things happen. Scan your body, noticing what sensations is there without changing anything.
- PROCEED - Take a full conscious breaths and then proceed on with you next activity of your day with more clarity and balance and awareness.
Why am I talking?
- Am I talking for approval and to be overly helpful? (Rescuer)
- Am I talking to control and take charge of the situation? (Persecutor)
- Am I talking to complain and whine about all I don’t like? (Victim)
Many of our behaviors are habitual and probably none more so than talking. Here are a few reflective questions to ask yourself before you leap into a conversation:
- What is my intention behind what I am about to say?
- Is there a question I could ask that would help me better understand what the other person is saying and perceiving?
- How might I simply listen and let go of my urge to talk in this moment?